International Men's Day, celebrated annually on 19 November, serves as a spur to reflect upon the manifold dimensions of what it means to be a man - an identity often defined by culture, history, and enduring societal expectations.
The six pillars of this global observance emphasise the challenges men face, such as parental alienation, abuse, homelessness, suicide, and violence, as well as the need to honour their contributions to family, community, and society at large.
Yet, as we venture deeper into the subject, the complexity of masculinity unravels far beyond any straightforward summation.
A question arises: What does it truly mean to be a man, especially in a world that increasingly demands strength laced with gentleness?
In Francis Ford Coppola’s cinematic magnum opus, The Godfather (1972), a terse but unforgettable line as Vito Corleone berates his whining godson Johnny Fontaine, encapsulates a prevalent cultural expectation of masculinity: “You are gonna act like a man!”
His anguish is shunned by a command that brooks no room for tears.
This archetype of stoic, almost impenetrable manhood may be draconian, but it is all too familiar.
Being a man has long been synonymous with invulnerability—a fortress of fortitude that denies access to fragility or vulnerability.
Yet, this mold is not only limiting; it is exhausting and dehumanising.
Contrastingly, Renaissance-era Italian courtier Baldassare Castiglione’s The Book of the Courtier (1528) offers a more expansive vision of what it means to embody manhood.
In this sixteenth century work on courtly etiquette, he proclaims, "Being a male is a matter of birth. Being a man is a matter of age. But being a gentleman is a matter of choice."
Castiglione invites men to aspire not merely to power and dominance but to grace, courtesy, and mindful restraint.
The "gentle" in "gentleman" becomes a conscious commitment rather than an incidental trait—an ideal that men of every era have found challenging to achieve amid societal pressures to conform to harsher prototypes.
In today's world, being a "gentle" man, let alone a gentleman, is perhaps more fraught than ever.
The demands for masculinity remain steep, even as they shift under the weight of new dialogues on gender and identity.
A man may be called to be the stoic provider one moment, the tender nurturer the next.
He is expected to manifest ambition without trampling over others, to be assertive without veering into aggression, and to remain composed while chaos brews.
The demands of such an existence can be crushing, especially when compounded by real issues such as emotional isolation, homelessness, and even the horrifying statistic that men account for a disproportionate number of suicides worldwide.
But the quest for being a man, or a gentleman, need not be defined by a stoic adherence to outdated paradigms.
It can—and must—be broadened to embrace empathy, vulnerability, and the courage to redefine strength.
For many, this journey remains littered with societal contradictions, but it is a path worth treading.
To be a man today may mean grappling with these contradictions, bearing scars while striving for self-improvement, and seeking meaning amid challenges that seem insurmountable. It is as much about nurturing one's gentleness as it is about harnessing one's strength.
So, on this International Men’s Day, let us celebrate men not solely for their achievements, but for their journeys—their triumphs and struggles alike.
Let us applaud not only the stalwart figures who stand strong against life's storms, but also those who possess the courage to be gentle, the fortitude to be vulnerable, and the wisdom to choose the path of a true gentleman.
In that spirit, manhood transcends a mere expectation of virility and transforms into an ever-unfolding testament to the complex beauty and burdens of life itself.
